loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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