i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
