I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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