The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
