i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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