Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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