So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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