Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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