if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
