Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
