bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
