Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
