it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
