i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
