He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
