to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
