I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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