there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your cock deserves a montage
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
