twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
