then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
