I'm going to jail i love you
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
