there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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