i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
