Sponge bath it is.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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