at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
