Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
even my farts smell like vagina
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
