speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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