Yo dont text me then not text me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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