If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
