The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
