ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
