Have you finally orgasmed yet?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
