College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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