If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
