i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
