Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
