You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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