guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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