my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
