There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
