So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
