i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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