i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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