The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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