I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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