It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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