it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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