I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize