people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
