So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
