So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
