I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
