I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
