my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
