Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
