you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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