Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
