My nipple is on Facebook.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
