im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
