Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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