God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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