I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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