Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
