I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
