I wish I could teleport
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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