To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
